Friday, March 24, 2006

Randomness...and the bed monster

Okay, yesterday's plan went to crap. I woke up to go work out with Christine but I was SO tired. My lesson from last season is to listen to your body. So I overslept a bit but still planned on getting to the gym with enough time to get about a 20 minute run in, and then lift. On my way to the gym, I realized I had forgotten a couple things. Got back home, and saw that by the time I'd gotten my things and would get back to the gym, I'd probably arrive about 6:50. Not enough time to do anything.

I stood in the middle of my room and looked over at my bed. Unmade, but not too messy. The warm flannel sheets exposed with all of their softness, my grandmother's pink quilt still neatly covering the white down comforter, and my nice down pillow, still looking so fluffy and inviting - it was too much. My bed was practically begging me to come back, and as tired as I was, I thought "well, I'll just lie down for 5 or 10 minutes...couldn't hurt." *blank stare*

And so it went. The bed swallowed me whole yet again, and my workout went down the tubes as a result of the bed monster. Honestly though...I don't really mind. I LOVE my bed. The mattress, the pillows, the sheets, the view from my window, which is always just so enchanting (except when there's nothing but fog outside...but sometimes even that can be cool). I've put a picture I took last June, one morning before swimming when the moon was setting over San Francisco at 5:25 a.m. It was GORGEOUS!

So, whatever. I had plans to make dinner with my housemates yesterday evening so I couldn't amend anything by converting to an evening workout. I just chalked it up as a rest day. And you know, good for me. I mean, all day I was in a fog yesterday b/c I was still so exhausted from the day before. What is this saying? Too much too soon? PMS? Actually, the PMS thing is very real. I find the week before 'that time' I am so incredibly tired and it seems like I can never EVER get enough sleep. Some months are worse than others, but this just happens to be a particularly bad one. So, you just learn to roll with it and say "well, tomorrow's a new day."

I slept in this morning since I went to bed kind of late. Did a nice series of sit-ups. I'll go swimming this evening. Tomorrow - well, if it's raining, I was thinking of doing a swim/spin thing, and if I felt up to it, even just doing a short 10 minute cool-down jog after that spinning class. I'd almost prefer that b/c I really wanted to get 3 days of swimming in this week. Then I could go on a nice ride on Sunday.

I'm realizing that this whole process is really about me and discovering what I can do, but it's also about discovering my limits. Not that I'm one to place limits on myself. But I'm often apt to take on TOO much. If I'm doing so many other things, maybe I shouldn't hold such high expectations for triathlon so that I don't get too disappointed. I don't know. I like having goals, I like achievement. I just don't like being a perfectionist because you can't be perfect. I just don't like the intensity of this sport. Or, let me put it this way: if I have to feel exhausted all the time, I definitely don't want to do it. I don't want to be so disciplined that I can't ever go out with friends after work and have a late night. I don't want to eat, sleep, think, dream and live triathlon. My life encompasses so much more than that.

Just yesterday, I had this amazing moment. There seems to be one like this every day of my life. One of those moments where you from the inside out. You're glad to be in that spot at that time, you're grateful to be alive, you're grateful to be healthy, and you're just grateful for those little things that remind you how beautiful life is, and how every moment is important. I walked out of the BART station, and just as I pulled my BART ticket and began to walk toward the street, "Bolero" began to play on my iPod. My iPod is constantly on shuffle, so I never know what's coming. I looked up, and the sky above was this bright pink. I turned around toward the west to see what was one of the most breathtaking skies I've ever seen: various hues of pink, purple and orange, lit up like a neon sign. Clouds were mixtures of white and gray, lit up by the sky that they were in the midst of.

The combination of this beautiful song and this beautiful sky (with total silence around me - just the music and the sky) made me stop to take a moment to enjoy the sight, savor it and be grateful I could be in that space and time to cherish it.

Yeah, it's cheesy, but we all have our own 'moments' - that was one of mine.

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