One of the nice things about pigeon pose in yoga is that if you reach just the right threshold and hold it just long enough, your hips will slowly start to release. You can move a little more forward and hold (while breathing!); hips will release a little more.
Similarly, my mind is slowly releasing its death grip on this idea of what I 'should' be doing. I am coming to terms and becoming comfortable with the fact that I just don't have any desire to run right now. I am confident that it is completely OKAY for me not to. (And you know what? I realized I can stay in great shape still doing all the other things I'm doing!) Why do it if I just don't want or need to right now? There are no triathlons for me until May.
On that note, one of the things I have been thinking about is to try a new approach with the triathlons this year. It is to simply not care. This does NOT mean 'not try.' Just simply not care about what my times will be, how they compare to what I've done in the past, or what I think I 'should' have been able to do. Instead, the goal will be to do as best I can given what I've put into it and ENJOY the race for all that it is, being confident in my abilities. The bottom line is, I am fully aware now that when I put the time and effort into it, I CAN be fast. I could be faster than I ever was, if I put the practice into it.
Simply put, it is no longer where I want to be. 15-hour training weeks don't appeal to me right now, especially with the changes that are taking place in my life and other commitments I am making. Actually, I'm still figuring out exactly where I want to be, and I am having SO much fun doing it!
Last night I went to swim practice. I met one of the coaches for the first time and we were discussing which lane I ought to jump in. "Well," I said, "I've been a little slow lately because I'm trying to get back into a swim routine but only swimming about 3x/week." I told her I'd been swimming in a lane that's been doing about a 1:35 pace. It was comfortable to me.
She said "yeah, but I have a feeling they're going to be going a little too slow for you. Why don't you jump in with AnneMarie?" Panic briefly struck me. They swim FAST! Usually 100s on the 1:25. Could I hang with that? It's been awhile since I swam that speed. The coach confidently said to me "you'll be fine, just leave after 3 seconds if you need to and hang onto the draft!"
Our main set consisted of 2400 yards. One set within was 6x100 on 1:30. It meant I would have to try for 1:25 intervals if I wanted 5 seconds of rest. Somehow, by the time we reached the 6x100 part, I was feeling incredibly confident. I knew it would be tough, but instead of worrying about whether I would make the pace, I just put my head down and did it.
What do you know? I did it all! And I was actually feeling strong making all of the intervals! I smiled at the end and said "well, I guess I'm officially back in this lane now." Swimming was so fun. Last night made me realize that I've really missed it and I'm ready to get back in the pool on a more regular basis. The challenge, the pushing yourself (I tried to make 75 fly in under a minute...that failed miserably but it HURT SO GOOD!), the fun of having others around to push you...it was all great. It was so encouraging to feel so strong and confident in myself, especially after having started the workout feeling like I've been so slow lately.
My subject line for this post also works the other way around - if we think confidently, our actions will be confident as well. But I think too often we don't act confidently because we wait for our brain to feel confident first. Why not try it the other way? Put yourself in a position to act more confident than you feel and see what happens.
You might just walk away with different thoughts altogether!